*Please note I have no surgical, medical or allied health qualifications to make any recommendations, judgments or opinions on treatment you have received, now receiving or plan to receive.
It is taking me a long time to accept that "A half day is really OK." Mostly because it has to be OK. Chronic pain is so daily. It just does not go away even at night-especially at night. So each morning I have to decide what I can do/deal with until around middle of the day. What is unsettling is that this changes almost daily and at times, more frequently. I find this frustrating because I like having a plan for my day. I'd like $5.00 every time my little plan has floated out the window.
One of the first casualties of my arthritis and sight loss is lack of sleep. This has an immediate effect on my emotional energy and physical capacity to get on with my day. Attempting to go beyond these two boundaries always ends up with a warning across my mind-screen loudly shouting "What on earth do think you are doing!! How much more pain do you need to realise you have nothing more to prove?" I know I have to get up every morning to discover my body's condition that day. Staying in bed every day is a slippery slide I don't want to be on.
As a mere mortal male I'm infected with that notion of my identity being intimately connected with what I do. On good days I know I am not defined by what I do but rather who I am. True as that is, I wish it was that simple. This issue confronts me when meeting someone new. After introductions comes the question, "So Alan, what do you do?" A courteous question to which I often think, "Not much." I can't tell you how many times I have twisted this well intentioned question into a personal put down of my own making. This thought is a strong temptation to attempt more than is good for me. So, to retain some degree of sanity I've had to define what is an 'excellent day' for me. This is what I try for each day. It allows my days to be messy and unpredictable-which they so often are.
Excellence
is doing the best I can on the day
with what I've got.