*Please note I have no surgical, medical or allied health qualifications to make any recommendations, judgments or opinions  on treatment you have received, now receiving or plan to receive.  

The Ghost and The Darkness are the names of the two lions in the movie of the same name. I've borrowed these names and given them to two of the most aggressive 'thought lions' my mind has encountered. Their names are a painful reflection of the way they bite into my mental health.  

In my imagination, I call the first of these beasts The Ghost. It floats pictures into my mind of what it  must be like to be healed from arthritis and sight loss - things like surgery break through or research producing more effective medications.  

The second of my beasts I call The Darkness. This one has wrapped my mind in total darkness more times than I can count after having another unsuccessful round of treatment. I think, "Did I have higher expectations for recovery than I should have? Did I misunderstand the doctor's comments? Did the surgeon make a mistake? What if things get worse?" And on it goes.

I know things go wrong because they have. Yet at the same time I have to be alert for a much better outcome from my treatment. It's a balancing act that is taking me years and not yet perfected. There are no short cuts managing chronic challenges. Just tough lessons of things not turning out as hoped.  I'm confronted with my 'daily ask' - Am I prepared to do the best I can on the day with what I've got? There are only two answers to this-Yes or No. If Yes, then I take one half day [or hour if necessary] at a time. If No, then I face going under with the incessant roars of The Ghost and The Darkness searing my mind.

I have paused here for a while to reflect on what I've said. I would not anyone thinking I'm being flippant or way over the top with my illustration. If you've not experienced all this, then be quietly thankful. If you have, you know it's all too real and understand exactly what I'm going on about. 

I am very thankful for professional help. Also, the affirmation and acceptance of family and friends close by... if I want all three bad enough.