I should have known what was coming. Recently I accepted an invitation to briefly share a little of my travels with chronic pain at a Persistent Pain Program seminar. I spoke to the idea, 'A half day at a time is okay'. If I had thought for at least 3 minutes, I might have realised that this issue would come back to bite me soon after that seminar. And it did. 

I don't think I spoke from a place of having 'arrived' at this lofty emotional mountain top. At least I hope I didn't. For me, experience over years has shown that half a day of activity is okay because it has to be. I accept this principle to be true, because it is true. But a version of Murphy's Law soon visited me and it hasn't left yet. It is one thing to declare something to be true. It is another thing to fully grasp that truth in every day living. I have to say I'm not there yet.

Arthritic effects are now making their presence felt after I thought I had gained some control of this. Continuing vision loss now means some of my jobs at home I cannot properly do. That is hard to accept. A long anticipated visit to our son, his wife and young children is postponed until who-knows-when. Then there is our other son, he and his wife have teenage children fast becoming young adults. Thanks to Corona Virus it will be some time before we visit our family again. Then there is our family-of-choice who mean so much to us.

I wonder how long it will be before I'm able to live life with these limitations I have now. Beneath the thin veneer of trying to cope with the day is my strong desire to see again. And I want to be free of arthritis. This may sound like I'm whinging but it is really my deep longing. It is also the reason I haven't posted for a few days. Some days are like that. Or is it just me.