Sounds like the lament of one who longs to be objective, rational and logical about years of chronic pain. Some days and nights I think I'm not far from these lofty ideals but it's more like one step forward-two or more steps back. Why? I think it's because chronic pain can change the way I think. And so determines what I try to do and crucially, how I try to manage my day.
As a for instance, recently we laid new mulch on our gardens. So 2 friends and my wife, did the heavy lifting of 4m of mulch. I hoped I would not struggle too much if I just helped to spread some of this stuff around. The gardens look pretty good now. A pity about the mulch spreader. My bone joints are exacting a very painful revenge since then. There is a constant that decides whether or not I proceed with any activity...it's pain always the pain. I get very weary from it and don't like it one bit. But that's not the point is it. Keep trying the best I can or surrender. Pretty stark options aren't they. Trying my best is better than the other one.